She's Spoken

Advice, opinions, and critical thinking all in one place!

Variety is equally okay!

Variety, it's worth the risk.

I have noticed that when my husband who is Hispanic and I, who am black, go out together we get the oddest combination of public reaction. Lately I have noticed that for some reason we are not given equal interracial reactions by all. What I mean by that is that I have noticed and confirmed with some black men that there reaction to a black man with a white/Hispanic woman, is much different than their reaction to a black woman with a white/Hispanic male.  The looks and shock and awe that we get are great validation to this testament. It seems that it is acceptable for black men to date and even reproduce with women outside of their race but black women, oh black women are supposed to be for black men only.

Last night while my family and I were out at the mall, we ran into several black males and a few black couples. The reaction was the same and almost always on the black males end. One guy literally did a double take and another did a neck jerk; you know the kind you do when you’re thinking yourself huh? I don’t understand why it is that we should confine ourselves to men of the same race while they are allowed to pick and choose from among the many and that is somehow okay to them? Love is not unique to black men; therefore we should be free to love whomever our hearts desire and free of criticism and confused stares.  I have dated white men, black men, Hispanic men, and even multiracial men and I find that they have each had different things to offer. It just happens to be that the man who treats me the way I deserve to be treat and that God chose for me  happens to be Mexican!

Mexican is just fine!

Black men and I am only talking to a select few of you, and believe me you know who you are. Stop treating us like animals and disrespecting us and maybe will allow you to retake your place on our list of acceptable men to court. See, when you listen to music calling us everything but our government name, and you lie to us, disrespect us, neglect your parental duties, engage in dangerous acts of unfaithfulness and try to demean our intelligence your only further validating the stereo type and pushing us farther away.  Your actions dictate the type of women who come your way and thank God because finally some black women have figured out that we need this mess. We can definitely do badly all by ourselves!  The good news is that in 2010 and beyond we have found out that there are men of many shades that are willing to treat us like the queens that we are. There men willing and able to respect us consistently and not just occasionally when it benefits there interest.

So, if you want a strong, intelligent, sophisticated, dedicated, loving black woman learn to be men of the same caliber. Learn to hold yourselves to higher levels of accountability; learn to be faithful creatures, God fearing creatures, intelligent, and hold on to something other than, “hood-rich” dreams. I have found love in the Mexican flavor, and ladies I hope in 2010 and beyond you will stop the habitual selection of men of the chocolate flavor and try something new.  



[…] Variety is equally okay! “She’s Spoken” […]

  Interracial Love Magazine wrote @

So Chrissy,

Out of a few double-takes and stares you came to the conclusion that that they felt it was acceptable for black men to date and even reproduce with women outside of their race but black women, oh black women are supposed to be for black men only?

Wow! Don’t you jump to conclusions?! Did you just simply read their minds?

I have been married or dating black women for over 20 years! (Yes, I’m Caucasian)

If I had a dime for every time someone asked in a store or restaurant, “Are you together?” Or met my wife for lunch or dinner and seated at the first available table with a white women sitting alone, I’d be wealthy!

Not to mention the times when people pull my biracial child aside and ask where her parents are? (When I was standing right next to her.)

I think you want the attention of being in an interracial marriage.

Probably more than you realize.

Interracial Love Magazine

  mamaosa wrote @

Thanks for the input I am glad that your take on the situation is different than mine. However, if you read for content you would know that not only have I had the conversation with a few black men and they have confirmed it, but I have also had a bit of personal experience with the subject matter. I didn’t fill the need to go over all the runs I have had in my past. Things such as having black men throw things at us, or being called a, “sale-out” by black men who are dating women outside their race and the list goes on. Honey I think you jumped to a conclusion, please if your going to comment read everything. I clearly stated that I had confirmed interactions that supported the situation. I don’t want the attention, not looking for it. I do notice it just as you clearly have too per your own response. Anyway, again thank you for the feedback and comments they are always welcome. I simply want people in 2010 to be more accepting all around. In the year 2010 it should not still be a shock to see inter-racial couples. Thanks again and take care!

  sky wrote @

Excellent post! their stares don’t surprise me. Infact when i started dating out I made it a point not acknowledge the stares and prayed for God’s protection while me and my date were out. Thankfully nothing happened and my bf at the time never spoke of any ill stares toward us. Plus he and I both lived in an area that was multicultural.

Right now I’m not dating anyone at this point in time, because I choose to do so. I’m in school and will be graduating pretty soon so right now all my focus really is ending this final school semester well. That’s my commitment right now. When I start dating I want to invest my time in that (not all my time). And the best part about that is that I know when I decide to date again, I have options and not this loom & gloom of “black men don’t want me”. That type of mentality really has to suck for anyone who thinks that way.

  mamaosa wrote @

Sky, good for you that your focusing on your education and that your expanding your dating horizons. I think there are so many lonely people in the world because they limit themselves racially. Congrats again on your educational achievement, and I know that you will find a worthy man.

  CW wrote @

I am encouraged to see more BW IR couples…Noticed quite a few in Hawaii…

Check this out:

Perhaps more people are waking up…We are ALL God’s creatures…

  CW wrote @

@Interracial Love Magazine


As someone who is VERY observant, I’ve picked up on these things as well…Now we cannot say exactly what these folk are thinking…(And not even implying all attention is negative)…Nevertheless one knows when the focus is on them…It’s happened to me when my date/mate was a different skin shade…

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